My condolences...

Today, I got to write a letter of condolence for the first time. The very notion seems rather old-school (heck, the fact that I just put a hyphen in "old-school" is in itself rather not in vogue). Really, whatever you seem to write seems trite and inadequate. How does one sufficiently relate how much pain you empathetically feel for the person's loss without sounding like you're being patronizing? How much or how little should you say? Oh, I asked for grace to speak words edifying for the moment. Sometimes, it's easier to just hug someone and hope that the gesture communicates the feeling that your words seem unable to do.